The Purple Hydra of Exeter
by TornadoWeirdo
Summary: A knight comes to the Xiaolin Temple, beckoning the monks to help him destroy a hydra that is terrorizing the United Kingdom. But what happens when the monks' chi powers get... misplaced?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

**I couldn't help myself this time; I got this brainspark one day and absolutely **_**had**_** to write this. It's meant to kick off my "Xiaolin Command" fan series, and although there's an episode which comes before this one, I don't want to write that at the moment (it has kind of a boring premise).**

**I'm sorry for not yet completing a prize fic for someone I need to complete it for... I'm just selfish that way.**

**Oh, and Happy April Fools' Day! Hopefully this story doesn't turn out to be a practical joke. **_**Ha-ha**_**.**

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><p>The sunrise shone brilliantly in the clear blue sky. Yet, although the sun stood a good ninety-three million miles away, it appeared close enough, and big enough, to lean right into someone's face and say "hello." But if it could anyway, it would be prevented from doing so as the head of Master Fung strode in, blocking its yellowness with a solid baldness.<p>

"Young monks," he began solemnly, "the moment has passed for you to return from the realm of universal energy manifested in yourselves and exert your chi that you have successfully kept isolated for a prolonged period of time. ...Awaken." He clapped his hands twice.

The old master had been standing around in his temple garden, waiting for a quartet of Xiaolin Dragons to come out of their meditative state as they all sat side-by-side on the grass. They were supposed to return to earth by now – to cease acting like unresponsive statues.

"WAKE UP!" The only real dragon of the group came in and banged on a small gong he was forced to find. And the noise did its job; every one of the four monks jumped on cue and held hands to their ears. Then they moaned and groaned, just as spoiled kids would.

"Thank you – ahem – Dojo," the Master said to his faithful reptile companion.

"Always here to help."

"Agh... well next time, could you maybe help us by NOT bringing out 'the gong?'" requested Kimiko, rubbing her temples.

"Seriously dude, _really_ starting to get a headache from that thing," Raimundo claimed, as he twisted a finger around in his ear.

"Yes, a simple splash of cold water would have sufficed," Omi stated, scratching his big yellow sun-head.

Dojo responded via a cough. "_Pthuh_. Pansies." (But at least the Texan cowboy wasn't complaining.)

Master Fung drew everyone's attention back to him. "...Before I ask Dojo as to why he insists on using my priceless tam-tam model, you all must know that even though the forces of evil have subsided, it is wise that you learn how to stay in control of your powers. One way to accomplish this would be to enter and exit a meditative state _at will_."

The monks glanced at each other, knowing full well what they had succeeded at doing. "...Guess we flunked _that_ lesson out," joked Rai with a sheepish smirk.

"Indeed. But of course, absolute mental domination IS a very difficult practice, especially for the young."

"Not to protest or nothin' Master Fung, but ain't our powers already controlled subconsciously?" asked the cowboy. He noticed Kimiko peering over at him. "What."

"A good question Clay." The Master calmly proceeded to pace alongside the group. "The truth of the matter is that the more you develop your supernatural abilities, the greater the risk that they will become chaotic. Stabilizing your chi is imperative."

Forming a concerned face, Omi nodded hastily. "I agree Master; I would much regret allowing _my_ chi to grow sooo powerful that it destroys the entire world without my will being there to conquer it."

"_Psshh_." Rai rolled his eyes at what he perceived to be the scent of ego.

"Raimundo, do you something insightful to share?"

The leader slumped his chin onto his hand, pretending to ignore the question. That's when Kimiko forced a wide grin and elbowed him, urging him to give an answer.

"_Oof_. Uh no! No."

"Perhaps since you are now a Shoku Warrior, you would care to demonstrate how one so flawlessly manipulates his chi energy."

"...Is this the kinda same stuff I've been practicing the last few days?"

"The exact same."

With that Rai hopped up. "Ah, alright! No problemo Fungo."

Slightly flinching at those words, Master Fung stepped aside so that the Dragon of Wind had plenty of space. "Your task is to focus on your element and show your skill in channeling its full strength. In the meantime, I am going to return the tam-tam to its _proper_ place." He took the small gong that Dojo had hidden behind his back, and then he walked away.

"Oh come on!" Dojo rebuttaled. "The old thing still works doesn't it?" He slithered on after the old man.

With those two gone, Raimundo sighed and casually made with his knuckle cracking.

"...OOH, will you be calling out your new Shoku Warrior signature move?" The Water monk started bouncing in his spot. The Shoku Wind monk cocked his brow at him.

"Just, watch what he does partner," Clay insisted.

"Yeah, we've been over this like a million times." Saying that, Rai went ahead and closed his eyes "concentratively."

"But surely you must have an elaborate name that you have recently invented for your high-level – "

"I'll shut him up." Kimiko clamped her hand on the bald one's mouth.

"Mmf, mm-mm-mm-_mmph!_"

Now, with absolute silence taking hold of the air, Raimundo got down on one knee, filling himself with oxygen and balling his fists. These fists slowly became enwrapped in wind.

Omi then stared in anticipation. "Mm?"

Eyes suddenly shooting open, Rai grunted and threw his body into a cyclone. "Shoku Nova, WIND!" He unfurled his hands and sent a sonic boom from both palms that tore over the temple walls and flattened the tops of the trees as it blasted off into the mountainous distance.

The end result left Clay and Kimiko's hair poofy with atmospheric static.

"...Sweet corn in a husk Rai." Clay removed his hat and shaped his blonde mane back down. "That storm front's gonna blow circles 'round the whole globe."

Raimundo found that, weirdly enough, _his_ hair was all heavy and flat and in his face. "Eh, nothin' much to it," he professed, attempting to pull strands out of his eyes.

Omi couldn't hold his praises in any longer, so he pushed Kim's firm hand away from his big gob. He gasped for sweet air next, and stood up high. "YES! Most amazing Raimundo! I believe you have practically proven yourself worthy of your leadership position!"

"_Practically_?"

Kim explained the deal. "He's still having a _little_ bit of trouble adjusting."

"Hey..." Omi turned a suspicious expression toward her while Clay arose from his spot.

Rai finished brushing off the accumulated dust on his sleeves. "Figures."

Then the cowboy came by, and, with a playful smile, patted the Brazilian's shoulder. "To be fair, I think yer stridin' progress along faster than a pack o' greyhounds on a free-fer-all hare chase!"

"Thanks bro, that means a lot! ...If I heard you correctly."

Omi inhaled and was about to say something more when instantly, out of nowhere, the faraway noise of a trumpeting horn stopped him.

Every single monk perked. "What sounds like the grand opening to a Renaissance festival?" Kimiko questioned, neck a-stiff.

The Xiaolin team followed the horn and ran to the temple gate, where way out on the paved path, they spotted what appeared to be a cavalier approaching, riding atop a prancing caramel horse. Both he and his trusty steed were coated with silver armor, but him moreso, for even his face was hidden underneath a knightly helmet. And while he had grasped in his hand a formidable black javelin, his steed was daintily sheathed in a blue-and-white rug. The monks stared as the noble duo halted within meters of them, and also as the horse bowed.

The knightly young man spoke. "I have traveled long and far, searching for the mighty warriors who are rumored to have saved the world more than once."

Omi took a glance at the other monks before he replied. "...Many times to be precise."

"Art ye the legendary Xiaolin heroes? It is an honor to finally bathe in your presence."

All four Xiaolin Monks exchanged uncomfortable looks. "Uh, thanks," said Raimundo. "...What, dost thou cometh here, for?"

"I come HUMBLY to request your assistance." The man tilted his horse's head high by the reigns. "Firstly ye shalt _not_ know of my name, for I work within a secret band of knights who protect the innocent from the nefariousness of malicious creatures."

"Hm. All right, if you need us to wrassle up anythin' evil we'll be happy to oblige – "

"Let me continue!" The knight pointed his javelin at the nose of a startled Clay. "Ye CANST hope to call yourselves victors unless ye summon magic and use elemental mana as your weapon. The monster I hunt is immune to swords and spears."

"Well," Rai proceeded to tell, "you've come to the right temple! We've got a knack for summoning wind, fire, water, and earth mumbo-jumbo."

"AH. Then ye must be, as they say, 'Sons of the Elements.'"

A low growl emitted from deep within Kimiko's throat.

"...And daughter." The knight shifted the other direction. "I beseech you! This be no ordinary demon-serpent! It emerged from the rivers of Exeter spewing forth fire, acid, and other various... substances, and leaveth behind tracks of destruction everywhere from London to northern Scotland. Its heads of seven reach nigh a hundred feet! And most importantly, _it knoweth no peace whatsoever_."

"Then what're we waiting around for?" Rai exclaimed, pounding his left fist into his right hand. "Let's go kick its tail!"

Clay hesitantly itched his hair. "I-I'm sorry, but I can't help wonderin' if maybe this monster's, ya know, just misunderstood?"

The mystery knight laughed in a condescending fashion. "Doth not be a silly sod!" He then abruptly withdrew himself for a second. "...Oh blast it, I can't keep talking like this. Whatever. Do any of you happen to have a global positioning system available?"

The three boy monks peered at Kimiko, who paused before sighing hoarsely. "I've got one installed on my PDA," she informed lowly.

"May I send the map of my location to you? I'm not allowed to um... _speak_ of my headquarters; it's very confidential."

Kim whined inside her mouth and eyed her Shoku leader, who only shrugged in return.

"Fine." She took her PDA from her sash and readied it up.

The knight also took out a fancy shiny phone. And there were no other sounds but the tapping and beeping the two created as they exchanged e-mail addresses.

After completing the process with a final tap, the young man slipped his phone back in his pocket. "_That_ is where you are to meet me. Together we will fight the hydra, and with your powers and my prowess, we shall slay it!"

Omi, Raimundo, and Clay agreed with some "yeahs" and "okays," and Kimiko tossed an unenthusiastic "awesome" into the mix.

"_ONWARD BUTTERSCOTCH!_" The knight pulled the reigns and made his caramel-colored stallion rear; and thus the duo galloped away into the horizon, with proud horns blowing once again... from who knows where.

The Xiaolin Monks were just left standing and watching, unknowing of what to discern from this encounter. "Sooo, what is this place he told us to go to?" Omi ever-curiously inquired.

"I reckon he was referrin' to England," Clay told him.

"Ooh, England? I heard they have lots of crickets there."

Unfazed by that comment, Raimundo leaned in toward Kimiko and made a kissy face at her.

Kim gave him a very annoyed look. "_Dare I ask?_"

"You just crossed paths with your knight in shining armor."

"...Oh AS IF!"

Rai mischievously giggled his head off.

"Yeah... that feller don't seem like his head was screwed on quite right," Clay thought aloud.

Rai's giggling bubbled down somewhat. "Well Clay my man, he's not as loopy and rabid as _someone else _we know."

"Heh, you mean Jack Spicer right? _Evil Boy Genius?_" Kimiko scoffed. She waved her hand aside. "He's history."

"Ha-ha-ha," the Shoku leader affirmed.

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><p>Nighttime came upon the land of Vancouver, Canada, where the mansion of a certain has-been villain resided.<p>

Television commercials blared from a two-story window – instead of from the evil basement. The lights were off upstairs, matching the outdoor darkness, and none other than Jack Spicer was plopped on his bed, wearing nothing but pajamas, and snarfing down his third tub of chocolate chip-mint-pistachio ice cream.

"You vile fiend," began a character on the TV show, "you will rue the day you tried to poison the Nile River with your industrial sludge. Prepare to face defeat by the awesome might of my Kung Fu Roundhouse Kick. Hi-YAH!" The character started beating the stuffing out of the evil dude.

"I could SO pull off a roundhouse kick if I wanted to," Jack proposed, as he shoved an extra-large ice cream scoop into his mouth. "...Given I could find a suitable gym first."

He grabbed a nearby can of soda pop and gulped on it as the martial arts hero got struck down momentarily.

"You cannot defeat me! I know every one of your special moves!" proclaimed the villain.

"Every one eh? Have you seen my Mega-Fiery Fire Punch?"

"No."

The hero set his hand ablaze and punched the villain across the Sahara Desert.

Crumpling up the now-empty soda can and throwing it at the trashcan (only to miss), Spicer released the heaviest of sighs. "Bad guys never win."

He was about to dig his spoon into the tub squished between his legs, but then he realized there was no comfort food left in there.

He gasped. "Megan! I _need_ some more chocolate pistachio mint-flavored ice cream up here! MEGAN!"

In the downstairs living room, Jack's little cousin was painting her fingernails with glittery nail polish and listening to pop music on her headphones. She wore makeup that sparkled and clothing that bared her midriff.

"_MEGAAAN! Ice cream! NOW!_"

Megan was quick to an attitude, and so she creased her made-up face. "Get it yourself you big oaf!"

"..._Aaggh_." Easily defeated, the clumsy fool crawled off the bed and scratched his side before walking out of his room-zone. "Must I do everything."

Meanwhile, outside the Spicer abode, the trees once still were starting to shake their leaves. The shaking grew evermore furious with each passing second. Then, overhead, a Shoku-born wind came booming through the area, tearing away tree branches and knocking down some of the nearby power lines.

Now Jack had just begun to descend his staircase when all the lights unexpectedly went out and he found himself screaming and crashing down the remaining steps. After landing on the floor, he shot up in a confused fit of shock and anger.

"WHAT THE – _MEGAN_, how many of your dumb girly electronics were you plugging into all the outlets?"

"It WASN'T me!"

"Well the power didn't go out on its own." Jack struggled to keep his balance and find his way around in the darkness. "Fantastic. Now I need a flashlight or a lantern just to SEE."

Grunting, he eventually fumbled to a small wooden table where his dusty wireless laptop lay. He tripped on a stool first, but then slowly lifted his hand to feel for the computer's surface.

"Alright, let's switch _you_ on." Arising, he opened the black thing and pushed a button so that its bright blue screen illuminated the halls. "Ahh, my happy light." Leaning on the table with both elbows, Jack next discovered something – a curious surveillance video on the desktop.

"Huh, what's this." He pulled it up full view and saw what looked like the inside of the Shen Gong Wu Vault. His tiny impish bug-bots had been scattered throughout the Xiaolin Temple, and one of them was still at work monitoring the Vault's security, showing when it could be breached.

Spicer squinched his eyes hard. Those Xiaolin freaks were in there, going in deep for some Wu.

"Shouldn't we bring our Wudai Weapons too?" the Fire monk was asking.

"Just in case, yep," the Earth monk answered.

"I can only imagine how the great knights of Britain would react seeing us Xiaolin Warriors battling a giant evil monster!" The Water monk sure sounded excited, as per usual.

Jack pretty much compressed his nose to the screen. "Britain? Monsters?"

"Whatchoo got there, Rai?" the Earth monk questioned next.

The Wind monk was seen ascending from the Vault. "Sun Chi Lantern. Might come in handy."

"But why do we require the Lantern?" The Water monk sounded dubious. "Its only purpose is to transfer our chi from one area to another."

"It's called 'thinking ahead' dude," the Wind monk explained. "According to Sir What's-His-Name we have to rely on _mana-related _attacks, and honestly, I have no clue WHAT we're up against."

"Hear that? _Trust your leader Omi_," teased the Fire monk.

"...Whoa-whoa-whoa... wait. _That's it_." Jack Spicer, Evil Boy Genius, gradually leaned away from the computer screen and slapped his forehead. "DUH! _The_ _lantern!_ With the Sun Chi Lantern I could steal their flashy little powers! Ha-ha, I'd be so potent _the_ _whole world_ would fear me!" He put his thoughts on a momentary pause. "...And I wouldn't have to monologue. Hee-hee-hee..." He slipped back into the darkness with his closed "monitoring laptop" in tow.

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><p><strong>Forsooth! Jack Spicer hails from Canada (and is also a creepy stalker). Well, that's what I say anyway; for me it makes sense. Please do not flame for whatever reason.<strong>

**Expect some obscure Monty Python references and other things, when I decide to update. Truth is I'm not very good at referencing in general. Still... it's all in fun.**

**"The Xiaolin Monks will slay anything that's evil. That's their deal." See? Fail Adventure Time reference.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

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><p>The very next day, the elementally-gifted monks were riding on the back of Dojo – elemental weapons stuffed in Clay's special Shen Gong Wu bag – flying over London and casting a big old Chinese dragon shadow on Big Ben.<p>

Pretty soon the team found themselves flying over green hills and valleys, with the loud wind harshly battering their faces.

"Delightful weather for knight-frisking!" Dojo was forced to yell. "Can't believe I agreed to this!"

Kimiko ignored him. "Okay now..." she fought to keep her hair from blocking her eyesight, as she checked the GPS on the PDA in her hand. "This map, which may or may NOT be fully up to date, says 'Sir What's-His-Name' is hiding out at a small hut just north of here. So uh yeah, keep your eyes peeled for the small hut."

"Lookin', lookin'..." Clay surveyed the landscape below. But before one could say "hot diggity dog" his hat blew off via a strong wind gust. "Hey NO!" he shouted.

The ten-gallon topper whooshed back and hit Omi's yellow head, then drifted down into a deep wood.

"Dagnard..."

Omi rubbed his head's very surface, shutting one eye tightly. "Clay, you MUST remember to take better care of your hat; it surely packs a wall among all this windiness."

"It's 'pack a wall_OP_,'" whooped Raimundo, trying to stay focused on the ground.

"Yes, and Raimundo's idiom as well."

"Found it!" belted Dojo in a happy sing-song voice.

"Found what?" asked a temporarily distracted Kimiko.

"The hut! Whaddyou think?" The dragon grunted and pointed with his claw. "See, it's right down there between the clotheslines and the chicken coop."

Clay stopped brushing away his blonde hair for a spell. "Uh, last time I checked, knights don't raise chickens."

Rai closed his eyes and shrugged. "Whatever; our guy's a nutjob anyway."

The crew and their giant dragon thus smoothly made their landing near the hut's front entrance.

The four quickly dismounted and stepped toward the hut's welcome mat. As leader, Raimundo took the initiative and knocked on the door. "Hello? Mr. Knight Guy? We're here!"

He continued knocking until at last the door opened... and an old lady appeared from inside.

"Hello?" she asked shakily. Then she covered her mouth and gasped. "W-who are you people?"

"I uh – " Rai found himself hesitating, index finger suspended.

"Yes," Omi jumped in, "we are the Xiaolin Warriors seeking to join forces with the knight without a name."

The old lady stared at the anticipating kids, and then she looked at Dojo, who was still stretched forty feet long, ten feet high.

"Hee-hee, hi," Dojo chuckled, waving. "Don't mind me! I only flew them here."

Capturing the reality of the large dragon, the old lady moaned and fainted backwards, hitting the floor with a THUD.

"Oops." Dojo curled his claws and glanced about.

The kids stood frozen in place, staring down at the floored woman. That is until they instantly heard the galloping of hooves and a shout.

Their favorite mystery knight was seen "bravely" riding in on his horse, sword drawn. "By the power of King Arthur's Excalibur I hasten to strike this scaly green beast a fatal blow!"

"_AAAH!_" Dojo shrank to gecko size and madly scrambled to hide behind Omi's tense shoulders. "I'm the good dragon, the GOOD kind! _Please _don't slice and dice me!"

The knight forced "Butterscotch" to come to a halt right in the wake of the rattled Xiaolin Monks, letting a cloud of dust flare up into the breeze. He then cocked his head to one side. "Thou art... with _them_?"

Omi looked at Dojo, who was shivering like crazy. "Yes, he is the one who flew us to Britain. Which is, quite lovely matter-of-factly!" The little monk innocently shifted his weight from the back of his feet to the front.

To that the knight stowed his weapon, causing a small paper to float out its sheath. "Ye FLEW eh? Hmph, 'tis hardly the marking of _true_ warriors. To globe-trot the land by horse, not the air by some untamable 'beastie,' payeth the greatest honors to the heroes of the medieval days of yore!" He turned his head away in a huff.

"Is it _really_ that big a deal?" questioned Kimiko, who preferred more practical modes of transportation. She saw the small paper fly in Omi and Dojo's direction.

Dojo ceased shivering and guardedly plucked the paper from midair. He then took a second to read it closely. "...And is this an airplane ticket?"

"...Why it most certainly is not!" Sir What's-His-Name pulled his horse forth, which tore the ticket from Dojo's grasp by its teeth.

"But it said: good for one flight passenger and one large... animal," explained the small dragon, watching the horse chew the ticket up.

"Well... it doesn't matter!" The armored fellow crossed his arms. "You unchivalrous lot made Grandmama – er – I mean, the old maiden swoon!" He alluded to the motionless feet of the woman at the doorway.

"_Yeah_, we're really sorry about that," Rai chuckled shyly, looking back.

"Ahh... I suppose she'll come to her senses of five in a few minutes. Onward we hunt! ...Oh, but before I forget..." The knight rummaged in his satchel and revealed a certain ten-gallon hat. "Found this ragged old head-cloth traveling the wood." He tossed it at Clay, who was able to catch it (even with his heavy Wu bag burdening his shoulder). "Manage your peasantry garments more carefully, for King's sake."

The noble knight trotted on, with the monks choosing to follow at a safe distance. Clay put his hat back on and slowly adjusted it before he could catch up.

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><p>Now hiking up the pleasant green valley trails, the five hunters kept on the lookout for their supposedly large, easy-to-spot prey. Meanwhile Dojo was sitting atop Omi's head, humming and singing happily.<p>

"See the Xiaolin Warriors... they go, in search of evil, up high, down low, to SLAY... and to become, become, _become_, the Great Britain heroes!" The musical reptile spared the monks' ears a moment. "...Um, what kind of monster we lookin' for again?"

Rai heaved a surrendering sigh. "Some sorta, hydra thingy."

"From MY understanding the hydra breathes fire, stands a hundred feet tall, and has seven heads!" Omi told them both.

Clay grumbled something whilst carrying his bag. "Yeah, does this critter even exist?" No one bothered answering him.

"Hydras, hydras, slimy and fat, sharp-toothed and flat; _they_ take the princess, _they_ eat the sheep, and they've got seven times the bad oral hygiene. Aye, AYE, aye-aye..."

"_Aye _Dojo." Raimundo covered his ears.

"Silence you most tiny of minstrels!" The knight shushed Dojo's singing and halted everybody else. "I hear an uncommon bug-ish buzzing. ...Oh if it be a giant insect, might our hands get dirty with much exoskeleton and guts."

"Gross." Kimiko shook her head, but as she did so she listened closer. "Actually, I don't think that's a bug." Her eyes widened as she heard the noise sweep just beyond the trees and the shrubbery. "It's... something even _grosser_!"

"I recognize the sound o' THOSE motor blades," Clay responded with a massive fist clenching.

Growing edgy, Raimundo switched to the knight, who was scratching his helmet cluelessly.

"You stay here," he ordered to the British fellow. "We'll deal with this racket; shouldn't take long. C'mon team!" He then jumped straight into the shrubbery, off the beaten path. His friends dashed on after him.

And so the knight was left sitting quietly atop his steed. "I say..." He went ahead and checked the phone buried in his pocket, which told him the current hour. "Oop! Teatime." He brought out a a teabag and a warm water thermos, pouring a "cuppa" for himself.

* * *

><p>A specific and calculating albino mechanic had not been hovering far enough away (by means of his noisy heli-pack) to remain secretive while he studied a beeping black-and-red tracking device on his wrist.<p>

"Yes, made it! Okay... according to the surveillance-bot they should be, right about... uh-oh." Jack Spicer lowered his arm and fixed his eyes on the Four Xiaolineers clawing out into the forest edge interior from the bushes.

"Uhh, _GREETINGS_ Xiaolin Losers!" Spicer fumbled to put his left hand to his forehead, striking a big letter "L," but upon realizing he was using the wrong one he _swapped_ his hands, and only then did he grin evilly.

"Ah great, if it isn't the omnipresent Jack Spicer!" Kim vociferated to the others over the obnoxious buzzing. "One question I'll ask is: who would've thunk? And another: won't the chowder-head just EVER accept his own place in loserdom?"

"I warn you to stay out of our follicles Spicer!" Omi yelled up to Jack with a viciously fast and strong hand-swipe. "You have already long been defeated and done away with!"

Jack made a face and threw his "Loser" arm to his side in reverberation. "It's so nice to get this warm reception after so many months! I can pretty much SMELL the love in the air." He non-threateningly hung there slacking his shoulders before shifting a pair of eyes back down on the monks. "...So how's the whole leader gig working out for ya, O he who wears long-sleeved shirts under short-sleeved shirts?"

His arms folded, Raimundo peered up at Jack and blew him a raspberry.

"Classy." The goth-mechanic then held out his hands, seemingly preparing for an ill-proportioned battle. "Anyways, I couldn't help but notice you guys were changing from your 'Xiaolin Dragon' occupations to actual dragon slayers?"

"_Hydra_ slayers; I stress that very strongly," Dojo corrected from Omi's shoulder. "...How'd you get the bulletin on their personal monk business?"

"Funny you should ask," Jack replied, and he pushed a button on his blooping and blipping wrist device.

A miniature robot bug crawled its merry way out of Dojo's ear-crest. Feeling and seeing it on his cheek, the green dragon screamed. "AAH! Get it off-get it off!" He swatted the bug to the ground below, and stuck his snout at Spicer. "You sick monster-maker!"

The monks were disgusted by the ear wax-smothered speck twitching there on the grass, but Kimiko soon angrily enveloped her hands in fire and leaped at the hovering mechanic with the speed of a rocket. Scared silly, Jack immediately tried to fly away home, but the Dragon of Fire caught both his heli-pack's rods and sank her shoes into his flabby abdomen.

"OOF!" he woofed. "Hey, what the heck are you trying to do to me?"

Kimiko didn't answer him, at least not directly. "I can't believe you're still wearing this tacky outfit," she snarked as she got a brief grip on his collar, slowly setting it on fire.

"It is NOT!" Growling, Jack stared hard at the flames creeping near his cheek. "Why can't you appreciate the hard work I put into designing this from scratch Kimiko?"

Kim quirked a brow at his face. "I don't follow your twisted line of thinking there." She glanced at his right heli-rod, then his left. "But one thing's for real: you need a _serious_ design upgrade on your flying contraption." She held the metal sticks tightly. "See ya around!" And she bent them toward each other, causing the sets of spinning blades up top to clash.

Jack got caught in the resulting explosion while Kim back-flipped away in the nick of time. She landed just fine on her feet, and she and her friends watched the screeching loser spiral down into the valley, leaving a trail of smoke behind.

Clay sniffed the smoke and rubbed his nose. "That sure went well."

"Yep!" Kim patted her dusty hands together; and Dojo wiped some sweat off his green forehead.

Then the team took notice of their dependable knight bouncing into the scene, a teacup in his possession. "My ear hath detected a nearly earth-shattering kaboom! What was it? I demand to know!"

"Monk business, that's all," elaborated Raimundo with a smug shrug. "No biggie."

But right when he said what he said, the earth began to shake, rendering balance a difficult task for humans and horse alike.

The knight shielded his eye slit with straightened fingers and pointed in one direction. "This way!" He tugged his horse's reigns and "led" everyone outside the forest up a steep hill where they could overlook the landscape.

* * *

><p>Beyond the far stretch of high, deep, and uneven green ground, there stomped the silhouette of a colossal creature, shrouded by lake fog. The monks stopped dead at the hilltop and gasped at its largeness. It was round, had a pair of bat fins, a long tail, and believably enough, seven heads that bellowed terrorizing roars across the country.<p>

"'Tis the hydra; it draweth nigh. We must better ourselves for battle posthaste." According to his plan of action, the knight unsheathed his sword and tried polishing it.

"...Whoa _caramba_ he's a big dude," observed Raimundo.

"Bigger than Clay?"

"Hey now, watch whatcha gab there lil' Omi buddy," Clay jittered, but all nice-like.

"So are we going after him er what?" Kimiko asked in a reckless fashion.

While Knight Dude was busy cleaning his weapon, Raimundo advanced forward a bit, placing his hand under his chin. "...Where's the Sun Chi Lantern."

Omi fully faced the "big" cowboy next to him. "Clay?"

"Right, I gottit." The Earth Dragon dug in his bag and pulled the Lantern out. "Uh, what're we usin' this fer?"

"Hand it to me." Rai motioned for the Shen Gong Wu, not averting his eyes from the hydra. "I'm gonna have to combine our powers and fight that monster by myself," he automatically decided, taking the Lantern which Clay had bestowed to him.

"Wait... no you _aren't_ Rai!" Kim laughed bafflingly, trumping over. "How could you even GET such a bad idea?" She slapped her hand on the Lantern too.

"Are you kidding me? He's HUGE! We'll never be able to take him on all split up!" Rai then pulled the Lantern closer to himself. "Just let me handle it."

"Partner, did someone put a squirrel's nest in yer thinkin' cap?" inquired Clay, legitimately so.

"NO!" Omi interjected. "You cannot possibly master our elemental powers in one sitting!" He too grabbed the Lantern in order to tug it away; Dojo fell off his shoulder in the process.

"Oh, but only YOU can?" Raimundo was getting defensive, and he tugged back.

"Give it up Rai!" Kim grunted. "It's obvious you're just trying to prove you're _so much better_ than the rest of us!"

"Am not! It's for your safety!"

"_Ba-loney!_"

"No Raimundo!" Omi resumed yelping, as he and the two other monks fought over the Wu. The Wu, on the other hand, was beginning to glow brightly.

The knight ceased polishing his sword and gave his full attention to the glow. "What manner of treachery be THIS?" he exclaimed.

Clay cautiously stepped toward the squabbling trio. "Fellas, n-now don't be tryin' to start a Xiaolin Showdown. ...C'MERE!" He grabbed the Wu at last, covering everyone else's hands and effectively lifting his friends in midair to make them stop. But by doing this, the Sun Chi Lantern flashed an overload of blinding light. And it caused the knight's caramel steed to neigh and rear in a reactive fit of panic.

As he struggled to regain control, the young knight lost his temper. "ENOUGH!" he boomed. He forced the horse forward and, with a well-executed swing of his sword, struck the troublesome Shen Gong Wu out of the Xiaolin Monks' hold. Four mystical swirling streams vanished before the Lantern clanked to the ground and rolled down the steep hill from whence the hydra hunters climbed.

Now groaning on the grass, the four monks opened their eyes and sluggishly arose. The knight stood above them wrathfully.

"_ART YE A BUNCH OF BOORISH PRATS?_"

Confused, Omi was the first to actually rise. "..._No_, I am pretty certain we are Xiaolin Warriors."

"Bah! Warriors from the _Stone Age_! I've never witnessed such meaningless bickering _in_ _all my years as a knight!_" The monks stood up griping shamefully, as they ought. "I hope ye each were tickled PINK, because you went and scared the daylights out of my sweet Butterscotch with your traitorous witchcraft!" The knight in shining armor leaned and softly patted his trusty steed's shaking neck. "There-there... Daddy's here for you."

Dojo appeared a timid polecat from beneath the lot, yet he managed to perk, and then he got to talking. "Ugh, speaking of daylight, it's getting kinda late," he claimed, seeing the sun begin to set in the distance. "Should we – I dunno – call it a day? _Oh please yes_."

Sir What's-His-Name took the dragon's words into account. "...Return to me, and this land, when you get your piddly little act together. _Or_, chicken out and scatter abroad like four air-headed distressed damsels." He shuddered and then gently tugged on the caramel horse's reigns. "Good day _peasants_." And with that, he trotted off and left the Xiaolin team standing on the hill.

Kimiko reflected on what just happened as she pulled black hair from her view of the distancing armored man. "He definitely has charisma," she said with a frown.

"But we... do not," Omi confessed sadly. And so the monks rotated around and witnessed their giant hydra disappearing into the horizon, as well as the depressed setting of the sun over the valley.

* * *

><p>When they had partially resigned from the hunt and returned to the Xiaolin Temple, it was already quite late, and therefore time for bed. Clay's big body was stalking the temple's dark hallways and heading to the lecture room, where candles had been left flickering on the tables. The Earth Dragon had assigned himself with the task of blowing them out for the night, and he was evidently ready to commence with such.<p>

"Whew, what a darn-nutty day. High time we got ourselves some shut-eye," he said yawning. His own glowing candle in hand, the shadow-cast cowboy walked through the room, approached the tables of fiery lights, and looked down upon each of them.

"Welp, g'night." He inhaled deeply and blew.

But, instead of simply whisping the tiny flames away, Clay's breath transformed into an eerily powerful gust of wind that sent the candles flying _everywhere_. The next thing Clay knew, there was leftover candle wax bleaching spots of the entire floor.

"..._What in tarnation?_" He dropped the candle he'd been holding, although its flame had gotten snuffed as well. And he stared at the waxy mess in complete bewilderment.

"AAAH!" came an immediate Tom Kenny-esque exclamation from the halls. Raimundo the Shoku Warrior skidded to the lecture room's open doorway forthwith. The now-shocked Wudai Warrior cowboy peered at him.

"Clay?" Rai's stretched hands were ablaze with hot fire. "We've got a problem!"

* * *

><p><strong>Plot devices... I love them so.<strong>

**The knight who still shalt not be named lives with his grandmother. _Does_ he belong to a noble "Round Table?" He be keeping secrets from everybody, that's for sure. **


End file.
